Monthly Archives: February 2017

Writing, Building and Reading

27 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by in #friend, blog, books, car, cat, friend, home, House, job, Life, male friendship, men, Money, time, Today

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I’ve been writing daily – in a notebook – my thoughts on world events. It is the only way for me to get my mind off of the fact that I haven’t seen my best friend for over a month now and how lonely I’m getting.

He did deposit his portion of the mortgage into my account the other day, and I’m still contemplating taking him off my car insurance policy on March 1st unless I see him first. The problem is that I get the distinct feeling that he is intentionally avoiding me. I think he is, once again, trying to get into a relationship with his baby-mama. I believe she convinced him that the reason it didn’t work out last time was due to me.

He’ll learn once again it was entirely her.

At any rate, I built a kitchen table over the past several days which is why I haven’t been updating this blog lately. I discovered that building my own would be cheaper than buying one. Menard’s had all the components, I just had to do all the refining and assembling. I think it turned out nice.

Both of my cats have been terribly sick all last week and after daily care of them, they are beginning to gt much healthier which is a relief. They both are sneezing frequently however which is particularly annoying.

In other news: this up coming weekend is when I plan on recording my first podcast of Bad Dinosaur. I’m both nervous and excited about this prospect. This weekend I also plan on buying 4 3 2 1 by Paul Auster finally – after putting it off for at least a month now. I’ve been reading pages of it at the book store and I’m finally getting into his writing style enough that I think I’ll be able to invest time into reading it.

Someday I’ll write a novel – once I repair this damaged, lonely heart of mine.

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It’s so empty here.

22 Wednesday Feb 2017

Posted by in #friend, blog, books, cat, Coffee, debt, friend, home, House, job, Life, Love, men, Money, time, Today, work

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It’s been just under two weeks since my best friend told me that he’d just be spending “the weekend” at his baby mama’s house. I haven’t heard from him since and have no way of getting a hold of him. It doesn’t help matters that I’m going to need his portion of the mortgage in a few days.

I have yet to remove him from my car insurance. I am going to establish March 1 as the official cut-off since I am completely unsure what is going on. When (or if) he stops around again, he’ll be in for some big surprises since I’m making so many changes to this house in his absence.

For starters, despite my hatred for dogs, this up coming weekend we’ll be getting the only dog in this world that I like – my sisters dog, Diamond. This weekend myself and my other roommate will be buying and assembling a table as well. Oh, and I should be receiving my BAD DINOSAUR banner and the last few essentials for the pod cast that I plan on starting.

So my best friend will essentially be walking into an entirely new place – whenever he chooses to come back.

I’ll be honest though – his absence is making me quite depressed and worried. It’s making wonder why I ever bothered to do any favors for him to begin with.

In other news, my plants are beginning to grow. I have a myriad of peppers finally coming up, numerous herbs and a huge container of potato’s. It probably helps tremendously that it’s been around 60 degree’s and quite sunny for the past several days.

Both of my cats are severely sick and I’m trying to treat that as much as I can. I don’t know if it is due to the weather, but that situation is getting me quite stressed.

The Unraveling of Life

17 Friday Feb 2017

Posted by in #friend, anger, books, car, debt, friend, home, House, job, Life, time, Today, Uncategorized, work

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Still no sign of my best friend.

This is getting upsetting. I refrained from removing him from the car insurance plan for the time being, but that will not be the case for much longer.

I am beginning to just not care at this point. Questions keep circulating in my mind like “why should I continue to do favors for him if he has no problem abandoning me when I need him?”

I’m dealing with too much and he is just becoming an added burden that I am losing the ability to carry any more. His absence is giving me depression. I am working so hard to try and set up this podcast and I’m so filled with uncertainty about whether my ‘best friend’ is on the verge of fucking me over or not, that I can’t focus on much of anything.

I made the mistake of thinking that when I got this house. the three of us would all share in the responsibility of it’s upkeep. I was clearly wrong. While I work nearly 60 hours a week, my roommates go out and play and I’m left with the task of doing… everything. When things aren’t done to their standards, they throw tantrums and leave. I’m just getting tired of all of this.

Then I find out this morning that the car insurance had gone up considerably and I’m unable to learn why.

My nieces first birthday party is this weekend but I’ll be unable to go because I volunteered to work because I’m unsure if my roommate is going to pay his share of the mortgage.

Things are falling apart – and it’s all thanks to my best friends ‘baby mama’ who, once again had to manipulate her way back into my best friends life.

Wearing out the welcome

15 Wednesday Feb 2017

Posted by in #friend, car, debt, friend, House, Life, Money, rain, time

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During the house buying process this past summer I did a favor for my best(?) friend – I put him on my insurance so that he could get a better rate and have to pay a lower premium for his vehicle. This little favor I did cut his car insurance payment in half. He was paying just under $300 a month, and when I put him on with my insurance, his monthly payment dropped to $160.

That was going well for awhile, but then January happened – and I had to pay his car insurance because he “didn’t have the money” and the payment is taken out of my checking account. Then this month, February, it happened again. So for two months in a row I had to cover his insurance payment AND on top of it, he’s been gone for well over three weeks now. He told me that he was going to spend “just the weekend” with his daughter at his baby mama’s house, but it’s Wednesday and I haven’t seen or heard from him.

So I’m giving him until tomorrow and if I don’t see or hear from him, I’m taking him off my insurance plan.

It’s really beginning to feel like he is using me and I’m just getting sick of it.

Although I WILL be taking him off my insurance tomorrow, I’m not going to give him the courtesy of knowing. If he want’s to fuck me over, I’m going to give him a taste of his own medicine. If I have to, I’ll see his stuff to make up for his portion of the rent. I’m really getting angry about this bullshit that he is putting me through.

Revisions

13 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by in #friend, blog, books, car, cat, debt, friend, home, House, injury, job, Love, male friendship, men, Money, redemption, time, Today, Trump, work

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For those who aren’t aware – I’ve always been into politics, especially geopolitics. I realize this blog – so far – has not really shown that. The reason for that is that when I began this blog – which was around this time last year – I was in a very transitional part of my life.

At the beginning of December 2015 I had collapsed at work and had to be taken to the ER. I spent four days in the hospital and had to have three blood transfusions. I quite honestly nearly died. My hemoglobin levels were at 4.8, the doctors were surprised to see that I was even conscious.

I have an internal bleeding problem, and at the end of 2015, it had caught up to me.

After I left the hospital, my life was in disarray. I began re-evaluating everything. Things I had once found interesting no longer were and my  ability to focus on stuff had diminished to the point I didn’t even feel like myself any more. I didn’t feel like a “new” person but rather, I felt like my life had shattered and I was having difficulty recognizing the pieces.

Meanwhile my best friend lost his job and was putting himself through a whole bunch of needless drama which I inevitably got pulled into.

While I was going through all of this, I realized that I desperately needed a change in my life. The apartment that I lived in for nearly a decade no longer felt like home and the community I was living in continued to make me feel alienated. I came to the realization that the only way I’d be able to collect myself was if I completely uprooted my life and changed my entire environment.

And over the course of 2016, that is exactly what I did. During the summer months I went through the process of buying a house (which is loosely documented in this blog) and moving an hour away to an entirely new community. Instead of living alone like I had for eight and a half years, I was going to move into a house with two roommates.

I would have to share my living space with two other people. On top of that, I would take on new endeavors as well.

Basically 2016 – the year that I turned 32 – was the year that I decided to start over and begin to actually pursue my dreams in a much more aggressive way. The situation that I ran into however is that the people I live with don’t share this renewed desire I have to get stuff done. I feel like their laziness is becoming an impediment to the things that I want to do.

…and the things that I want to do include:

  • Restart my booktube channel
  • Restart my weekly publication
  • Start a weekly podcast/ radio show

The booktube channel of course would focus on books, the weekly (or monthly) publication would focus on politics AND books which the podcast/radio show would include talks on books, politics and include short radio drama’s written by me.

(All that while maintaining this blog and working 40+ hours a week. Ugh!)

So, as I was stating at the beginning of this post, my interest in politics (or “anti-politics”) will begin to be more evident in my blog postings. Don’t be alarmed, “personal” type blog posts will dominate most of the entries, but there will be times where I’ll have to completely rant about something our Cheese-puff-in-Chief has done.

So, no – this blog isn’t “changing”, this blog simply documented a life change I was going through and now that my life has re-aligned itself to some version of normalcy of what my life used to be like before I started it – this blog will simply be reflecting that.

So, until next time….

Simple Math

12 Sunday Feb 2017

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Donald Trump, what is 2+2?

“I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, ‘What’s 2+2?’ And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We’ve had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can’t believe it. Addition and subtraction of the 1s the 2s and the 3s. Its terrible. Its just terrible. Look, if you want to know what 2+2 is, do you want to know what 2+2 is? I’ll tell you.
First of all the number 2, by the way I love the number 2. It’s probably my favorite number, no it is my favorite number. You know what, it’s probably more like the number two but with a lot of zeros behind it. A lot. If I’m being honest, I mean, if I’m being honest. I like a lot of zeros. Except for Marco Rubio, now he’s a zero that I don’t like. Though, I probably shouldn’t say that. He’s a nice guy but he’s like, ‘10101000101’, on and on, like that. He’s like a computer! You know what I mean? He’s like a computer. I don’t know. I mean, you know. So, we have all these numbers and we can add them and subtract them and add them. TIMES them even. Did you know that? We can times them OR divide them, they don’t tell you that, and I’ll tell you, no one is better at the order of operations than me. You wouldn’t believe it. That I can tell you. So, we’re gonna be the best on 2+2, believe me. OK? Alright. Thank you.”

Rocky Roads…

10 Friday Feb 2017

Posted by in #friend, blog, books, car, cat, Coffee, debt, friend, home, House, job, male friendship, men, Money, Today, work

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My best friend is treading on the fine line between asking for my help and blatantly just using me.

My best friends work had two weeks at the end of January where they were closed down with out pay. The employees at his work were told to go and apply for short term unemployment for that time period. The problem is that in order to qualify for that unemployment, you had to be continuously employed for 18 months. Unfortunately my best friend hasn’t been “continuously employed” for an entire year yet.

So he told me that during those two weeks off he’d spend that time applying for a second job in order to help cover his bills. He’d do this because his shift at work would go from a third shift 10pm – 6am schedule to a second shift 5pm – 1am schedule. He explained to me that this would allow for him time to sleep and work a part time morning job.

Those were the plans that he made.

But he didn’t do that – at all.

Instead he spent those two weeks with his baby- mama. Then when his work started back up again, he continued stay at his baby-mama’s place. When I am finally able to talk to him earlier this week (Wednesday) he tells me that he will not have enough money to cover his bills.

I told him that I would help him with his bills – I even went as far as telling him that on payday (TODAY) I would deposit some of my paycheck into his bank account so he can get by.

But… when I get home from work this morning, he’s not here – he’s [probably] at his baby-mama’s place.

I’m just getting irritated of digging him out of messes that he puts himself in (out of his own pure laziness) just for him to push me aside like my time is something that is OK for him to waste. If he expects me to go out of my way to put money in his checking account while he is off somewhere else – he is deeply mistaken.

Anyway I’m trying to find the motivation to set up a pod cast. I have all the (rudimentary) equipment that I’ll need, but the energy required is difficult to conjure up. I’m still trying to figure out exactly how to execute everything. Hopefully by early March I’ll have something put together.

Until next time…

Storms

07 Tuesday Feb 2017

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We’re experiencing thunderstorms right now – in Michigan – mid-winter. The thunder is rolling and the lightning is flashing, and snow still blankets the ground.

After not seeing my best friend for almost three weeks, he is back – in his bed room sleeping. Considering the weather, he may sleep all day, which means I may not see him despite him being here.

I am quite exhausted myself and am considering for awhile. I stayed up a bit later than I was planning yesterday and I’m in need of some much needed rest.

But I’ve got some anxiety. I am wondering what sort of news my best friend is going to tell me. His babies momma is a very manipulative person who persistently uses my best friends daughter as a way to manipulate him. She’s been doing this since she got pregnant. I’ve already told her that she is no longer welcome here.

I worry he’s going to tell me that they are back together.

She still won’t be welcome here  – and I’m contemplating telling him to leave if that is the case. I’ve had enough of her drama and refuse to be subjected to it again.

So, what types of storms can I expect today? I don’t know.

10:04

06 Monday Feb 2017

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10:04 by Ben Lerner has an interesting premise: that the future will not be any different than the present. This idea is illustrated in the book by having the story essentially begin the same way it ends – with a large hurricane moving in to New York City.

The book was OK – the idea, sadly, wasn’t too well developed however it did make me think of another book that executed this premise (perhaps unintentionally) in a much better way. Sweet Bitter by Stephanie Danler illustrated this idea of a future not much different than the present much better than Lerner’s book did.

Albeit both books were mediocre, at least Danler’s was more memorable, despite it’s rather stagnant story line. I came to the belief however that MAYBE both of these books were the result of a writing assignment in which the future is exactly the same as the present.

Anyway, these two books were some of the most melancholy books I’ve read in awhile. They both had just barely enough momentum in them for me to keep going, and the main characters of each were so dry that I ended up disliking them.

Both books did demonstrate that progress IS NOT a guarantee of the future – and, of course, that idea goes counter to everything our society proclaims. It could be that simple truth that keeps me thinking about these two books I guess.