Just over two weeks until the closing date gets here and I’ve heard nothing on the status of the mortgage and I’m quite worried. I think I’ve done everything right, I hope I’ve done everything right but I don’t know.

I have little confidence in myself.

Also: I haven’t really seen or talked to my best friend in the past four days despite him living with me. He’s developed a new sleep schedule that is the opposite of mine so when I’m up in the morning, he’s asleep. This weekend he invited me to go to a bon fire with one of his co workers, but I declined – things like that stress me out. I enjoy bon fires, I HATE being around a lot of people I don’t know. I try to avoid those types of social situations.

I miss the feeling of being happy. Like, being legitimately happy, and sometimes I think happiness is derived from the feeling of being wanted and I rarely get that feeling from anyone. I’m always worried, always wondering if I’ll be able to make my bills. I don’t know. I keep believing that getting into the house will change all this, but there is no way to be certain, is it a ‘the grass is greener’ sensation that I’m experiencing when thinking about living in the house as apposed to this tiny apartment?

I’ve finally am getting back into reading which is cool. I’m currently reading Robopocalypse by Daniel H. Wilson and I’m really enjoying it. I’m also simultaneously baking honey bread while doing this and I’m hoping that this loaf turns out better than the previous loaf, but who knows. Perhaps it’s the humidity but all my baking endeavors as of late have been complete flops – so I’m going to try not to fail with this one.

Of course it’s the weekend so both of the roommates are out, they’ll probably be returning while I’m in the process of doing something and will want me to go with them somewhere. I’m just not in the mood for it today, there is way too much on my mind and there is no distraction large enough to help ease the stress.

It’s either the house OR eviction, and things are coming down to the wire.

A home OR homelessness.

It’s an all or nothing situation and I wish I had some clarity in regards to the status of the situation.