I spent the second half of the day yesterday with my best friend which was nice. We were able to actually ‘hang out’ which hasn’t really happened in quite awhile. I’m still a little sad that he basically just left without a notice to live with his girlfriend. He doesn’t seem to comprehend that just doing whatever you want has it’s consequences.

I understand that there isn’t much at all to do here in this stupid little apartment, but him persistently giving me this feeling of rejection is awfully difficult to deal with. Our relationship consistently sways from one direction to the next and I have difficulty trying to decipher what his actions mean. He moves from place to place and from people to people with reckless abandon and it makes me wonder sometimes how important I am to him.

I equate a persons willingness to communicate with others to home much they care about that other person. His lack of disclosing his plans to me – but willingness to ‘tell all’ to others is rather discouraging. I often wonder why there is this ‘divide’ between us that he has so carefully constructed, a divide of his own creation that I’ve yet to determine the meaning of.

Regardless, I did not get as much packing done as I’d like since I want to prioritize time spent with my best friend – which kind of causes me to be a bit counterproductive at times. I figure that I’m going to have roughly 5 days this upcoming weekend to devote to packing, that I can procrastinate just a little bit.

My best friend and the third roommate have decided to just up and leave two weeks ago with out giving me any sort of notice. Of course they do this at the height of my stress, leaving me to wonder if they are going to back out of this house deal entirely.

I had to have a long discussion with my best friend over the phone not too long ago about this because their leaving is very over whelming at this point. I don’t know why it is so easy for people to just throw me away like this – as if my problems aren’t worth their concern, but their problems must be issues that I take seriously.

As you can probably see – due to the lack of updates on here, I’ve been extremely busy with stuff related to the house. It’s become absolutely tiring. It is tough to find time to even write an update.

All the stress related to the house is really doing a number on the sleep I’ve been getting – I’ve been averaging about 3 hours a day. Since the best friend moved out I don’t really have anyone I can go to to get some relief.

My closing date has been moved back to the 30th of this month from it’s original date of the 20th. This of course adds to the stress.

I can’t remember what it feels like to be happy.

Today – I’m just feeling awful.

My best friend and his on-again off-again “girlfriend” are back together a week or so after he told her that he wants nothing to do with her and that they’d just be co-parents.

I keep watching her manipulate him over and over for months and I see this current development as just another manipulation on her part. This might last a little longer that previous attempts, however everything will fall apart in a devastating manner soon enough.

The closing date for the house is nine days away and I’ve yet to hear any news on the progress of the mortgage, I’m slightly worried about this. I don’t know if this silence is a normal aspect of the mortgage process. I keep trying to reassure myself that everything is going fine when in reality I just simply do not know.

There is SO much still to do though – I have A LOT of packing to do, I haven’t even started with that. I have to do a whole bunch of things in regards to the house like getting utilities, trash, water and other various things set up in my name. The work ahead of me looks daunting and I’m not sure how to confront it all yet.

And the brakes on my car need to be replaced.

I just want all of this stuff to take care of itself somehow, but I doubt that will occur.