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He got his lip pierced on Sunday – it looks so strange. I sort of wish he hadn’t only because I don’t think he’s doing it for him, but rather to please his girlfriend. Speaking of which, I learned what the ‘near break-up’ was all about from Saturday.

On Saturday after he got home from work, when his girlfriend got home from being with her mom for the morning, she told him that she no longer feels the connection they once had, that she no longer felt anything when they kissed or had sex. She said that maybe he should move out – and this suggestion he took as her trying to break up with him.

The reality is that he would not have a place to go if she were to break up with him and kick him out. He is dependent on that disastrous relationship that he got himself into to work. She’s been dealing with a lot of issues related to her heart and he seems to think that her heart related issues are what is causing these changes with her. I think reality is beginning to sink in on her part and she is seeking a guy who she can depend on.

I went with him to the place he used to live and when we were there, he got to see the REAL cost of his little trip to Urgent Care not so long ago. It cost $80 for just the visit, however the Laboratory Tests cost almost $500 – and since he currently has no insurance (that I’m aware of) he will have to figure that all out by setting up a payment plan.

The second half of this storm he has found himself in is coming ashore in ways that I hadn’t even considered. I wasn’t figuring on the large hospital bill or his girlfriends recent issues with her heart (which is causing her to take time off work) or the reasons why she wanted to break up. The baby that is soon to arrive and all the stress associated with that was what I was looking at as being ‘part two’ of the storm.

I told him all the things that are tearing me apart – mostly anyway. I can’t exactly articulate my restlessness yet – and can’t figure out if I want to destroy myself or if I’m being destroyed. Either way, words aren’t doing me any justice.

I feel buried.