Although it’s morning when I post these blogs, I work third shift, so the late morning, early afternoon is when my day comes to a close. My best friend also works third shift so we’re both essentially on the same ‘schedule’ in regards to work and sleep. Today is yet again another one of those “silent” days in regards to the amount of communication exchanged between the two of us. After work I did wish him a “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” but there hasn’t been a response.
I don’t know how a friendship can be sustained when one party is so uninterested in trying to maintain communication at some level. He seems to be taking this friendship for granted since he has the luxury of always having someone there, his girlfriend, when things go awry. But for me – when things get difficult, I don’t have that luxury of being able to turn to someone, I once thought that ‘someone’ that I could turn to was him, but it’s proving to be not the case.
It’s almost a natural inclination that I’d start looking for that ‘someone’ to fill that void. When I need to talk to someone – being told that I need to wait corrodes the essentials of a friendship and it’s a corrosion that, if not rectified, has irreversible effects. It would be a lie to say that the moment my best friend lost his job and moved in with his girlfriend, I began to see the beginning of the end.
Life has given me a natural pessimism about people and maybe after my best friend gets his first paycheck from his new job he’ll be able to make time for me again. I am holding onto a shred of hope that after tomorrow that things will begin to swing back to some form of equilibrium again with our friendship, that these past two weeks are simply the result of unfortunate circumstance. I wonder if my hope is unfounded.
I was thinking at work tonight about all the things that I did for him during his month and a half of unemployment and I wonder if he has done the same. I wonder if those types of things cross his mind now that things are better for him in his life. These are the things that I contemplate now that I am back to spending so much time in solitude. Those brief text message interactions like we had yesterday – they lack the substance that actually being around each other brings.
The pulse of this friendship is getting weaker. It’s getting more difficult to place a finger on it; to feel it – days like today I wonder if it’s still even there. How do we resuscitate the life of this friendship?
I don’t know.