I have my doubts and worries.
My best friend lives with his girlfriend.
I live alone.
I often wonder if he completely understands how lonely I get. For him there is almost always someone there for him to talk to, me on the other hand – I feel like I must compete for his attention. Sometimes up to 12 hours goes by before I’ll get any sort of response from him when in many ways I do just need to talk to someone.
I do so much for him – trying to hold his life together as it falls apart and the moments when I need someone to talk to I get nothing.
I worry that maybe I’m not as important to him as he is to me.
Is that a legitimate worry that friends should have? I’m not sure.
I doubt he makes me a priority like I make him a priority.
Is that a doubt that I should entertain?
Loneliness is what instigates these thoughts as the hours go by, as I wait for some variety of a reply. Yes, his life is falling apart – and in many ways so is mine. All the energy I’m exerting to make sure he stays together is causing me to crumble as well.
I need to be reassured that everything will be OK from time to time.
Is that too much to ask?